I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
