Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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