Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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