My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
