smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There r osticjed everywhere
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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