Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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