I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
