Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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