I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
