Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
