ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
