Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
