Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
