Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
