Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
