Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
