so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
