Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
