Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize