so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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