Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
