Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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