Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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