Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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