Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nutella sex= disaster
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
