Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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