I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
is that a dick in a sweater?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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