just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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