11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
