Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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