Yo dont text me then not text me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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