I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
