Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
