So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
