I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
