what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize