Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
