She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
