btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
