never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
