Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
