One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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