need another drink. this is the easiest way
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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