i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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