I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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