I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize