Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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