Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
