I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
