Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
