Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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