this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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