Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
