TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
