Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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