when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
