Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
