I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
