If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
