Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
