I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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