I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
