Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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