He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize