i just wanna soil my oats bro
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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