Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
