I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
