I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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