I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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