70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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