I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
