there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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