Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
