3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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