i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
