Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
